Constant employment as a way not to be alone with yourself

Being busy has become a symbol of success. A calendar filled with meetings, dozens of messages, after-work work, studying, sports — all of this is perceived as a sign of an active life.

However, sometimes the reason behind continuous activity is not the love of productivity, but the desire not to be alone with yourself.

When silence becomes uncomfortable

Many people find that when they have a few hours or even twenty minutes of free time, they immediately feel the urge to fill it with something. You may automatically pick up your phone, open social media, turn on a TV show, start cleaning, or come up with new tasks.

From the outside, this may seem like discipline or responsibility, but in reality, it is sometimes a way to avoid facing your own emotions.

Silence does not create anxiety. It only makes it visible.

That's why after difficult life events - the loss of a loved one, a breakup, prolonged stress, professional burnout - people often try to overload themselves with things. This helps them not to think about what hurts.

Why the brain chooses busyness

A person naturally seeks to avoid things that cause severe discomfort. If certain thoughts or memories bring pain, the psyche looks for ways to divert attention. One of them is constant busyness.

That's why you may feel an almost physical need to be busy. It feels like if you stop doing something, you'll feel anxious, sad, or empty.

The problem is that emotions don't just disappear because you stop thinking about them. They accumulate and can manifest themselves in completely different ways: through irritability, chronic fatigue, sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, etc.

When productivity becomes an escape

Being busy is not a problem in itself. Working, studying, volunteering, or pursuing a hobby can be fulfilling and help you grow.

However, you should pay attention to your own feelings if:

• any free minute causes discomfort;
• rest is accompanied by feelings of guilt;
• without a phone, music or TV series it becomes anxious;
• you constantly come up with new things to do, even when you are already exhausted;
• You find it difficult to be alone with your thoughts.

In such cases, activity may not be a necessity, but a way to avoid facing your experiences.

How to gradually get back in touch with yourself

Don't force yourself to spend hours in silence right away. If you're used to being constantly busy, this can cause a lot of discomfort.

Start with a few minutes without your phone, music, or other distractions. Listen to your feelings, ask yourself questions like, “What am I feeling right now?”, “What am I trying not to think about?”, “What do I want most right now?”

If strong emotions arise, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. On the contrary, it may be a sign that you're finally allowing yourself to notice them.

Being busy doesn't always mean being happy or fulfilled. Sometimes, behind a busy schedule, there is fatigue, loneliness, and anxiety.

Rest is not a manifestation of laziness, but an opportunity to reconnect with yourself.

Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself after another busy day is not "How much did I get done today?", but “What did I feel today and did I take the time to notice it?”

Sometimes a few minutes of silence help you understand yourself much better than another item on your to-do list.

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This article was made possible by the support of the Norwegian people through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Norway (MFA of Norway) within the framework of the project “Building a Gender-Inclusive Recovery with the Women’s Movement of Ukraine” (GEN-Recovery). Responsibility for the content of the information lies with the NGO “La Strada-Ukraine”. The information presented in this article does not necessarily reflect the views of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Norway or the Government of Norway.