Psychological flexibility: how to act even when it's difficult inside
We can't always control how we feel. We may wake up feeling anxious, sad, afraid of change, or unsure of ourselves. Sometimes we just want to put off an important task, not respond to a message, not go to a meeting, or turn down an opportunity that seems too daunting.
Psychological flexibility is the ability to notice your own thoughts, emotions, and experiences, accept them, but not let them automatically determine your behavior.
This doesn't mean you should ignore your feelings or force yourself to be positive. On the contrary, it's important to notice what's happening to you and at the same time ask yourself: "What is important to me right now and what can I do, even if it's difficult for me?"
Feeling afraid doesn't mean stopping.
Imagine that you have to give a speech in front of an audience. You may feel nervous, and thoughts may come to mind: “I will forget my words,” “Everyone will notice that I am nervous,” “I did not prepare well enough.”
Psychological flexibility does not require convincing yourself that there is no fear.
You might think: "I'm worried. I'm scared because this performance is important to me, but I still want to do it."
Emotion remains, but it ceases to be the only factor that determines your decision.
You can also be nervous before an interview and still go for it. Doubt your abilities and apply for an interesting vacancy. Be afraid of new acquaintances and gradually open up to people. Worry about possible failure and still try.
Not every opinion is a fact
Another important component of psychological flexibility is the ability to notice your own thoughts without perceiving each of them as an indisputable truth.
For example:
"I definitely won't be able to handle it."
"I won't succeed."
"If I make a mistake, everyone will judge me."
"I'm not good enough for this job."
These thoughts can seem very convincing, especially when you are tired or scared, but a thought is just a thought. It may be exaggerated or shaped by previous experiences.
Acceptance does not mean resignation.
Psychological flexibility is sometimes confused with passivity: they say that if you accept your emotions, you just need to accept what is happening.
In fact, acceptance is not about refusing to change something.
Accepting an emotion means allowing yourself to acknowledge it instead of spending all your energy fighting it.
"Yes, I'm angry now."
"I'm sad."
"I'm afraid."
"I'm confused and don't know what to do."
After that, you can move on to the next question: "What do I want to do with this condition?"
For example, if you are tired, it does not mean that you should continue working through force. Psychological flexibility can mean both continuing with a small important task and recognizing the need for rest.
Flexibility is the ability to choose an action, rather than acting on automatic.
What if the emotions are very strong?
Psychological flexibility does not mean that a person is always able to act despite any condition. Sometimes experiences can be so intense that safety, support, and recovery are needed first.
Therefore, you should not turn this concept into another demand on yourself: “I must be strong and act, no matter what.”
Sometimes the most flexible action is to ask for help, take a break, postpone the decision, or seek help from a psychologist.
If you have been a victim of domestic violence or gender discrimination, please contact the National Hotline for Prevention of Domestic Violence, Human Trafficking and Gender Discrimination for advice and assistance:
📱116 123
☎ 0 800 500 335
This article was made possible by the support of the Norwegian people through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Norway (MFA of Norway) within the framework of the project “Building a Gender-Inclusive Recovery with the Women’s Movement of Ukraine” (GEN-Recovery). Responsibility for the content of the information lies with the NGO “La Strada-Ukraine”. The information presented in this article does not necessarily reflect the views of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Norway or the Government of Norway.
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