Why do some people inspire and others devalue?
Probably, everyone has noticed at least once the difference between people, after communicating with whom you want to act, develop and believe in your own strengths, and those, after talking with whom you have doubts, guilt or a desire to justify yourself. The difference is not always in words. Often - in the attitude that a person demonstrates towards your feelings, successes and values.
Support is inspiring because it creates a sense of security. When someone genuinely celebrates your achievements, acknowledges your efforts, or constructively points out your mistakes without putting you down, it helps you grow. You don't feel the need to prove your worth because it's not being questioned.
Devaluation works differently. It manifests itself through constant comparisons, sarcasm, or criticism that is not about the actions but about the person themselves. As a result, even one's own successes begin to seem inadequate.
Why do people devalue others?
For a person who devalues the actions of others, it is a “temporary help” to cope with their own fears, shame, envy, insecurity or feelings of inadequacy.
If the achievements of others cause internal anxiety, the easiest way to reduce this discomfort is to belittle them. In this case, self-esteem is maintained not through one's own development, but through the devaluation of other people.
This kind of behavior often speaks of insecurity that a person hides even from themselves.
How does depreciation manifest itself?
Insults don't always look like outright insults. They can manifest themselves in different ways:
a person cannot sincerely rejoice at your successes and immediately looks for shortcomings;
constantly compares you to others;
ridicules your goals, dreams, or feelings;
uses sarcasm under the guise of a joke;
minimizes experiences with words like: “Don’t exaggerate,” “Everyone does it,” “It’s just a little thing”;
forces you to constantly justify yourself or prove your competence.
Sometimes a person does this unconsciously, repeating communication patterns learned in childhood. But regardless of the intentions, the consequences for someone who is constantly faced with devaluation can be equally painful.
Why is it difficult to support others?
It is possible to sincerely rejoice in another person's successes when one's own self-worth does not depend on comparison with others.
If a person is used to evaluating themselves through competition, any other person's achievement can be perceived as a threat. That is why, instead of supporting, they choose to criticize or belittle other people's successes.
The roots of this behavior often form in childhood. Constant criticism, comparisons between children, a lack of unconditional acceptance, or the need to constantly prove one's worth can lead to the fact that in adulthood a person begins to evaluate themselves only through the prism of other people's successes and failures.
The most dangerous depreciation is the actual
Sometimes we are our own worst critics. Internalized devaluation often develops after a long experience of criticism or living in an environment where love and approval had to be earned. A person stops noticing their own strengths because they get used to focusing only on their shortcomings.
How to respond to depreciation?
First of all, don't be so quick to make excuses. It's worth asking yourself: is this constructive feedback or an attempt to make me doubt myself?
Remember that constructive criticism is about specific actions, not about the person. It helps you improve, not puts you down.
If you regularly feel that your self-esteem is being negatively impacted by your interactions with a certain person, it's time to reevaluate the boundaries of your relationship. It's also important to learn to acknowledge your own successes without needing everyone's approval.
If you have been a victim of domestic violence or gender discrimination, please contact the National Hotline for Prevention of Domestic Violence, Human Trafficking and Gender Discrimination for advice and assistance:
📱116 123 or 0 800 500 335
This article was made possible by the support of the Norwegian people through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Norway (MFA of Norway) within the framework of the project “Building a Gender-Inclusive Recovery with the Women’s Movement of Ukraine” (GEN-Recovery). Responsibility for the content of the information lies with the NGO “La Strada-Ukraine”. The information presented in this article does not necessarily reflect the views of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Norway or the Government of Norway.
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